One year

One year ago today, I woke up in a hotel in Nashville with my husband and son. Me and Jackson went to get breakfast downstairs, and when I came back up, I just felt like something wasn't right. I had found out I was pregnant after a year of trying the week before. We hasn't really told anyone yet, because it was still so early. As I climbed in the shower, I realized something was VERY wrong. I called my OB/GYN's on call line, spoke with them, and then started gathering stuff to head home early. I think I knew at that moment I was miscarrying. We left Jackson with my parents who were there , too, and Tyler and I drove the 6 hours home. I cried most of the way home. Once we got home and it was apparent that yes, this was a miscarriage, I spent the rest of the day & the next day on the couch crying. I didn't understand why after all this time, I would lose the baby when I finally got pregnant. It was a very difficult time for me, and I still don't know the "whys" that I asked of God at that time. I became a little bitter as others around me continued to find out they were pregnant and go on to have healthy pregnancies. As the year progressed, I was making little progress on getting pregnant again and was extremely discouraged. In September, I decided I would try acupuncture because several friends had gone with successful results. I hesitantly made the appointment and met this tiny Chinese lady who told me she could make me ovulate. At this point, I was placing it all in God's hands. If He wanted to use this technique to create a life, who was I to stop Him? Each acupuncture session, I would lie on the table with dozens of needles stuck in my body, crying out to God for 45 minutes in the dark. Was acupuncture a magic cure? No. Was it a way that God used to get my attention, to get me to set aside 45 minutes numerous times a week to be in the still quiet with Him? I think so, yes. After one month of acupuncture, we found out we were pregnant again. This time, my hormone levels looked perfect. Each day at the beginning, I had to purposefully choose that I was going to trust God and His plan, because I was scared to death that I would lose this baby, too. It has been 6 months now... And I have a precious baby girl kicking me right now as I write this, reminding me of my God's faithfulness. This pregnancy has been blessedly uneventful, progressing perfectly, and I am so excited to meet my sweet little girl in just a few months! We decided to name her Paisley Jane. Jane is a family name which means "Jehovah has been gracious," and He has been more than gracious to us!