Mommin'

Here I am again. It seems like every few weeks I live through a cycle of exhaustion and defeat. My youngest is 10.5 months old and refuses to sleep. He hasn't slept through the night since he was born. And neither have I.

With my oldest, around 9 months old I discovered "sleep training", let him cry it out once and he was sleeping 12 hours in literally one day. When my second came along, I went in armed with my sleep training knowledge thinking, "I got this!" Wrong. She would cry for HOURS and never give it up. My third is taking after his sister. He gets mad and throws fits and refuses to nap, cries and never quite cries it "out", and still wakes up at least twice and sometimes four times between his "bedtime" and 6 am. My pediatrician (whom I do like a lot and think he's hilarious) told me at his 9 month check up," oh you can drop that middle of the night feeding, it's totally not necessary." Funny guy,  he is. He's not here listening to the sound of my fortitude cracking at 1 am (and 3 am and 5 am).

I have my third clogged milk duct in a month. I don't even know why, when I'm wearing the same nursing bra I have this entire 10 months, and I'm obviously not cutting out feedings really because he still ends up nursing at random times of the day and night. Overrrrrr it.

My six year old is crying saying that this is the "worst day ever" because I let him play Xbox for an hour but won't let him play any more (and by the by, I didn't even attempt school with him today!). He's also become recently hypochondriac and is constantly asking me whether his "symptoms" (of itchy back, eye crusties upon waking or one toenail being longer than the others) are normal. All. Day. Long.   My three year old has had three potty accidents today, two of which involved "fancy" towels in the guest bathroom. She also slapped the baby without provocation then told me that he was destroying her (invisible) starship.

I can't remember the last time I went shopping alone for clothes for myself  (wait, I do. It was in the spring, of last year. About 9 months ago) I own exactly zero pairs of jeans that fit correctly and all my underwear has been through at least two pregnancies so they're not exactly the most supportive. Last night I used baby wash to shave my legs because that's all I could find in my own bathroom. My poor husband has eaten cereal for dinner more times lately than when I was pregnant and couldn't handle the smells of cooking dinner. The laundry is never ending and the dishes are in a constant state of gross. 99.8% of the floor has some sort of unknown sticky stick on them.

The next time someone asks me what three kids feels like, I'm gonna refer them right here.