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Tonight I was having a discussion with Tyler about a time in my life that I felt really inadequate. Unhip, uncool, inadequate, not important, and (dare I say?) rejected. It wasn't too long ago. Like, last year. I didn't want to go to church because I felt like I wasn't cool enough, wasn't fashionable enough, wasn't a hipster enough momma. I didn't get my baby weight off as fast as the mom who ran the marathon 4 months after birth of her son. I wasn't working at a cool, trendy rehab facility - I was working at a redneck hospital that didn't have their act together. I wasn't able to stay home and breastfeed my son. I wasn't able to keep up with laundry and housekeeping because I was gone 2 days a week out of town every week. I rarely went on "date nights" with my husband. We didn't drive a brand-new car. We didn't get to go on vacation to some tropical destination.

Maybe the Lord has grown me up in this area over the past year. Maybe plugging into a local church with a body of believers who are "my speed" has helped. Maybe it just comes with being a mommy and the great healer, time.

So what does God's word say about us in this area? Are you ready for this?

Psalm 139:1-18:

You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.


You got that? There are so many jewels that God wants you to catch in this single Psalm.

Even when I don't have it all together, even when I can't exercise every day, even when I don't wash my hair, even when I wear clothes I've had for several years, Even though He knows EVERY single thing about me - my thoughts, my movements, how my body is put together -

He. Loves. Me. Still.

Let me focus on verse 16 for a minute.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

He knows. He knows every single day. He knows every single moment. He has known for all eternity. He has a plan, a purpose. He created me for this time, for this moment, for this purpose, for this body of mine, to be Tyler's wife and Jackson's mommy and my parents' daughter and my brothers' sister. All I have to do is walk in His grace, His strength, and His mercies (which He promises are new every morning) - and live out the pages written for me in this book of my life. In one of my favorite movies, The Holiday, Kate Winslet says, "You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life!" God wrote me in as the leading lady of this script called life, and I intend to go with His flow and follow His direction.