Overwhelmed

In the past few months or so, our world has been flipped upside down several times.

My youngest brother was diagnosed with Celiac disease. That's a big deal to a 16 year old. My oldest younger brother and his wife moved from Nashville, TN to Conway to live closer to our family and for my brother to work for my dad. The day of their 6-hour move, my sister-in-law became pre-eclamptic at 32 weeks pregnant and had an emergency c-section (in the middle of our 2-year-old's birthday party and 4th of July fireworks). She spent a week literally fighting for her life and my niece was in the NICU for five weeks. My third brother was admitted the same day to the hospital for four days with a mystery illness which they still have not figured out. Tyler's two brothers proposed to their respective girlfriends within a week of each other, in the middle of the above mentioned whirlwind. And to top it off?  

I found out I was pregnant. 

If you know me at all, you probably know my journey to becoming a mom was easy the first time with Jackson and extremely challenging the second time. It took 17 months of trying to conceive, 6 rounds of Clomid, 2 months of acupuncture, and a whole lot of tears before Miss Paisley was in our arms. It was a lonely and desperate time for me spiritually and emotionally, and I wasn't signing up for that again any time soon. 

We had wrapped our minds and hearts around the fact that our family was most likely complete with our two children. I didn't feel like God was leading us down the fertility path again, and while we would welcome another baby if He gave us one, truthfully we never in our wildest dreams expected that. We felt complete and whole as a family. 

It's funny how things feel and seem different in reality than you picture them in your mind. I will be the first to say this: I was overwhelmed at first. This wasn't what we had planned; this is not inside my comfort zone; I thought the pregnant bellies and maternity clothes and oh yeah, NOT sleeping was behind me. I spent several days just pouring out these crazy emotions to God. I was so thankful, but at the same time I was thinking "are you really sure, God?!" It took a lot of tears and definitely several days before I heard the Lord whisper, "are you done yet?" 

He led me to Isaiah 43:19, which says: 

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

He is so faithful. He is so true. My heart of hearts had always been to have babies and love them. It tore my heart in two when I struggled with fertility. And here I was, two short years later, telling God that wow, this just wasn't what I had planned. How selfish and small and humiliating. He has performed a literal miracle, right here in the middle of my everyday ordinary life, and I was worried about my maternity clothes and how this was going to affect our financial situation. 

I am telling you today, my God is so much bigger than our finances, or our material possessions, or our circumstances. He loves to show out in ways that there can be no shadow of a doubt that HE IS LORD. He has never let us go hungry or without shelter. He has always provided for us as a family in the exact way we need, even when we didn't know what we needed. I trust Him because I know Him, and I know He will guide us along paths we have not known. He goes before us, He knows the end from the beginning and I am only getting a small glimpse of His purpose in my life. I'm not saying that I don't have moments where I still feel overwhelmed because I do. I am still not sure what the future looks like (except I will have three babies?!) but I am so thankful to have an Abba Father who does.