Bible Study Fellowship

This time last year I was struggling with feeling isolated. As a part time stay at home mom, part time working mom, with a husband working unpredictable hours, I was finding it hard to attend our church's weekly nighttime women's Bible study because they didn't provide childcare and my husband was rarely home in time for me to go. I posted on Facebook asking for suggestions of any daytime studies that provided child care, or MOPS groups, or really anywhere to go and be around other people because I felt like that was what I was "supposed to be doing." Several of my sweet friends suggested Bible Study Fellowship, so I contacted the person listed on their website and the next month went to a registration week. I was impressed from the moment I walked in, but I was quickly overwhelmed when they told me I would be on a 4-6 month waiting list. I sort of thought, well, that must not be where we need to be, and never thought about it again. In January I got a phone call on a Monday that let me know I had been placed and could bring my kids and attend that Wednesday! I had completely forgotten about it, and contemplated not going.  It was just inconvenient and honestly, the bottom line is - I am an introvert. I occasionally get panic attacks when I have to interact with new people - especially in large groups. I love God and His word but it is very hard for me to open up in situations with more than 1-2 people there. Sometimes it's actually physically difficult for me to speak to new people, or even people I know in large groups. Small talk doesn't come easily to me and I'm not one of those women who love to sit and gab and have loud giggly conversations. But I felt like God was whispering to me, just go. Go. So I thought, I will go and try and meet some new friends and maybe make some play dates, force myself to do something I am scared of doing.

So I went. It was hard. Being up and out the door by 8:30 with both my kids was (is!) a feat in itself. I almost turned around twice. And every week after that, I would have to pump myself up to get up and get dressed and go. But God was gracious and He placed me in a group with a couple of ladies I already knew. I worked hard to simply get enough courage to answer at least one question every discussion group. Every week the enemy tried to get me stay home, whispered my insecurities in my ear again, used anything possible against my attempts at going.

You know what didn't happen? I didn't make any new friends. I would come home and my husband would ask, "did you meet any one new? Did you make any new friends?" And I would reply that I really hadn't. I couldn't even tell you the names of some of the women in my group, though I prayed for them daily and listened to their answers weekly. I got a little discouraged when I started realizing that my purposes weren't being fulfilled.

You know what did happen? My kids and I got to know Christ on a new and deeper level. My son began asking me questions, deep questions about the Lord, and he gave his heart to Jesus the first week we attended! He would ask to go over the lesson again, he could concisely tell me exactly what they learned each week. I couldn't wait to sit down at night and work through my lesson questions each week. I learned things I had never known about God's word, about God's character, and about His plan for me. I realized a few weeks in that going to BSF wasn't about me and my insecurities, it wasn't about making play dates or meeting new people. I was learning and growing in my relationship with Christ in huge ways that connected with my children, and THAT was what mattered for me and my family.

Tomorrow, we start back again. Jackson has asked all week if it was BSF day! He helped pack his bag tonight. Clothes have been laid out, juice cups filled and shoes lined up by the door. I'm still a little nervous about meeting a whole new class of ladies and getting back into the routine, but I know God will meet me where I am. I am excited and anxiously look forward to what God has for us this year as we study Revelation!