In my life

This morning on the way to work, a favorite song of mine came on my Pandora radio. The lyrics always get to my heart: "In my life, be lifted high. In my world, be lifted high. In my love, be lifted high." 

As I drove and prayed and meditated on those words, I questioned myself - is my life lifting Jesus high? There have been numerous situations lately in which I have had the opportunity to give God glory for my marriage, my kids, my job. Did I? Have I missed more opportunities because I was self absorbed and not listening to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit? Am I constantly pointing back to Him with every breath?

The short answer is, unfortunately, no. I fail on an hourly basis. I mess up. I get frustrated with my kids. I snap at my husband. I let my job eat at my patience. We are all human and all fall short of the glory of Christ. 

In this season of motherhood, I am so thankful that God gives special grace to mamas with littles. I toss SOS prayers up like frantic cries for help - "protect my kids!," "help me make it to nap time!" "give me energy!" Somehow God knows my heart more intimately than He needs to hear my words and He gives me unexpected and undeserved grace through this time.  

His mercies are new every morning - and every hour - and every breath. May I give Him the glory for every good thing in my life. 

On the hard days

Today was a hard day. 

We each have those days, when tensions are high and sleep is a luxury, when dinner needs to be made and clothes ironed and a million "mom! I need help!"s are aimed in our direction, when the weight of the world and our family and dear friends lays heavy on our hearts like so many bricks. Those days when we have silent tears streaming and no answers for the questions barraging our minds all day; those are the days I am so thankful for a God who sees me. He sees me now, His word promises - and He saw me then. He saw me when I was broken before Him, that summer ten years ago now. We walked together, He and I, through a dark valley defined by only His grace. The days I spent at His feet pouring out my dreams and desires to Him - He has redeemed them. The moments when I doubted and could not see the way before me, He lavished love and mercy and faithfulness on me. He whispered to my heart "you are Mine." He gently led me directly to a place of acceptance and peace. He opened up heaven and revealed a piece of His heart for my life. At the end of that dark summer, the Lord brought my partner for this life into my path. Here suddenly was this soul who complemented my crazy and together we learned that perfect love casts out all fear; that the two of us together were greater than the two of us apart. A decade of loving, forgiving, laughing, crying, holding, supporting and rejoicing has followed. When we come together each night world-worn and weary, he scoops me into his arms and the smell of his cologne mixes with hospital and that unique smell that is simply my husband. I breathe deeply in the answered prayers, the comfort and love wrought only from a constant sacrifice of our relationship on the Cross. Even on the best days, the love that flows between us has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with Christ.  On the hard days, it is a testament to His faithfulness alone that we are still standing. We both struggle through the days with forces pulling us in opposite directions. We can only give this life to God and give Him the glory for our family. How thankful I am for ten years with this man, who sharpens me and balances me in all the ways God intended for a marriage, for my marriage. On the hard days, like today, I am humbled by His provision in my life.