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Tonight I was having a discussion with Tyler about a time in my life that I felt really inadequate. Unhip, uncool, inadequate, not important, and (dare I say?) rejected. It wasn't too long ago. Like, last year. I didn't want to go to church because I felt like I wasn't cool enough, wasn't fashionable enough, wasn't a hipster enough momma. I didn't get my baby weight off as fast as the mom who ran the marathon 4 months after birth of her son. I wasn't working at a cool, trendy rehab facility - I was working at a redneck hospital that didn't have their act together. I wasn't able to stay home and breastfeed my son. I wasn't able to keep up with laundry and housekeeping because I was gone 2 days a week out of town every week. I rarely went on "date nights" with my husband. We didn't drive a brand-new car. We didn't get to go on vacation to some tropical destination.

Maybe the Lord has grown me up in this area over the past year. Maybe plugging into a local church with a body of believers who are "my speed" has helped. Maybe it just comes with being a mommy and the great healer, time.

So what does God's word say about us in this area? Are you ready for this?

Psalm 139:1-18:

You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.


You got that? There are so many jewels that God wants you to catch in this single Psalm.

Even when I don't have it all together, even when I can't exercise every day, even when I don't wash my hair, even when I wear clothes I've had for several years, Even though He knows EVERY single thing about me - my thoughts, my movements, how my body is put together -

He. Loves. Me. Still.

Let me focus on verse 16 for a minute.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

He knows. He knows every single day. He knows every single moment. He has known for all eternity. He has a plan, a purpose. He created me for this time, for this moment, for this purpose, for this body of mine, to be Tyler's wife and Jackson's mommy and my parents' daughter and my brothers' sister. All I have to do is walk in His grace, His strength, and His mercies (which He promises are new every morning) - and live out the pages written for me in this book of my life. In one of my favorite movies, The Holiday, Kate Winslet says, "You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life!" God wrote me in as the leading lady of this script called life, and I intend to go with His flow and follow His direction.

Honesty

It's been a few weeks since I have posted anything. It's been a weird time in my life lately.

Some of you may know that we have been trying for baby number two for a while now, and haven't been successful thus far. My whole life, I have had a desire and longing in my heart for a large family - preferably a rough and tumble family of boys. In my best-laid plans, we live in the country, have a lot of land for said boys to run and play and build forts and have campouts and generally live happily ever after. Jackson came along and we were well on our way to my dream life. However, we have been trying to have another child for a year now, and haven't been able to get pregnant this time. It's been a struggle for me to trust that God has a plan here lately. Long story short, we are embarking this month on the beginning of the fertility options journey. It has been discouraging at best to get told that conservative treatments are not working and we must take a step further. Last Christmas when we decided we were ready to expand our family again, I envisioned being big and pregnant by this Christmas. Not happening, but you know what? Even through this, my God will be faithful. His word promises that He will be faithful to complete the things He is doing in me. I know that He places those desires in my heart (and my husband's) for a purpose. I know He has a reason and a plan, and that He works in His own time. There is a specific reason that I am not yet pregnant, and while He may reveal that to me sometime, I may never know why.

Sometimes it's just hard to let go of the remote control to my life and give it over to God.

Meanwhile, I have had a new perspective of my time with my sweet, precious son. He is learning new things every day and is the most intelligent child I have ever been around - I'm his mom and all, but seriously proud of that little guy! Every step down this path of infertility assures me that Jackson's life is truly a miracle. He was a gift from God when I least expected
him and I stand amazed every day!

-all I know is the bleeding in my heart, and the healing in Your touch; all I know is that You gave everything, so let that be enough. - Matt Wertz

Livin the dream...

Six years ago today, I met the love of my life at a little retreat in Branson, MO. I blogged previously about it here.

We had talked last night about spending some quality time together tonight. But, life doesn't always work that way, does it? We should know by now.

I had to run errands and drag Jackson all over town(s) today. We also visited my grandmother, who has been in the hospital again for a week. Tyler left work earlier than usual, but got stuck in terrible traffic, turning his 45 minute commute into two hours. On his way home, he called to ask if I would take his brother some medicine because he has had the stomach flu (and Tyler's stuck in said traffic). So I load Jackson up for the millionth time today and drove across town at rush hour with crackers, soup, and gatorade. Tyler finally makes it back to town and stops to pick up Chick-Fil-A while I am still driving home. We gobble dinner down and get Jackson into the bathtub. I hear some grunting going on in the bathtub and look over and yep, you guessed it... poop in the tub. And when I say "poop", I mean diarrhea poop - everywhere! We hose Jackson down in OUR shower and head back to the front bathroom to clean the tub out. Halfway through spraying poop out of the bathtub and trying not to gag in the process, I look over at my handsome husband, who is wrangling a wriggling toddler into his jammies, and he just smiles at me and says, "I love our life." Seriously, not sarcastically.

I'm so glad I'm on this adventure with you, Tyler. I love our life, too.

Shelter

Sometimes it's so hard to "find" time to be with the Lord.

As mommies, it's easy to get caught up in the spilled juice, temper tantrums, laundry piles, screaming children tugging on our pants and crayon marks on the walls. We get through the day with short prayers;

Lord, help me. Lord, not again. Lord, help me to have strength. Lord, help me control my temper.

I believe God has been calling me to a deeper prayer life lately. Something more than those frantic cries for help. I've been so grateful for naptime. It's quiet, restful time for both me & Jackson. And you know what? I've noticed that Jackson's naptimes are getting longer and longer; the Lord blesses that time for me. I may not even open my Bible, but sitting quietly before the Lord, my cup is refilled and I can face the rest of the day with renewed love and patience for my sweet one.

I would encourage and challenge each of you to find opportune times to spend with your first Love.

Naptime. Bathroom time. Early morning before the kids get up. Late at night before bed.

I have also been focusing on Ann Voskamp's SHELTER of prayer. I'm trying to implement each element of SHELTER into my daily life: Short prayers, using Helps, Establishing a place to pray, using Lists, praying Together with my family, Establishing a time to pray, and placing Reminders around me.

God will bless your efforts to know Him more intimately.

August

au-gust

adjective

1. inspiring reverence or admiration; of supreme dignity or grandeur; majestic

2. venerable; eminent

August is always an interesting month in my life. My birthday is in August, so as a little girl I loved August, even though it meant back-to-school and extreme heat. As an adult, it seems like God always pushes me a little bit further in my faith, and consequently shows His majesty in my life, during the month of August. An aptly named month.

August 2008: I graduated from OT school. We were newlyweds and living off love and a little savings, and we were flat up broke eight months in. God really provided for us, and we didn't starve. He led me to an incredible opportunity to work at an outpatient clinic in Russellville. Nervously, I started a new job with new people that turned out to be a great season in my life.

August 2009: I was battling morning sickness and it took all the strength God gave me to get out of bed every day and go to work. God was preparing me for all the days that I am tired and worn out, yet must reach within (and up to Him) to find more to give, give, give to my sweet son.

August 2010: I had a six month old that changed my perspective on working vs. staying home. My mom (my babysitter) moved 2 hours away, and I did not know what to do. God pushed me out of my comfort zone as I turned in my resignation at a job I loved with all my heart to take a job I wasn't crazy about in order to stay home with my sweet one more. Then, God provided for me in a HUGE way on my birthday as He moved my employer's heart to grant me leniency with my resignation date due to my babysitting crisis. I had never been more sure of His love for me than the moment I hung up the phone with my old boss. I will never forget that moment of humility and love.

August 2011: Last week, my grandmother went to the hospital thinking she had the stomach flu. Four days later, she was undergoing open-heart, quadruple bypass surgery with questionable odds of survival. God was SO faithful to heal her and restore her health more than the doctors could ever think or imagine! At the same time, God has opened some major doors in both Tyler's and my career. These changes will mean that our family life is going to be much more flexible, and that we will get to spend much more time together! There are changes coming in my in-law family as well as my maiden family that will mean more time together and less stress on all of us.

He is sovereign, He is just, and He is faithful.

I love Him more each day, each year, each August.

This has been one of the toughest weeks of my life.

My grandmother has been in the hospital in very critical condition, and it took them a long time to determine what was going on with her. She ended up having a CABG open heart surgery yesterday.

Through this, I have really realized what matters most - family.

Family members that I don't get to talk to frequently showed up at the hospital to love on us, hug us, and pray with us. They texted and called, Facebooked and emailed.

How blessed I am to be a part of a large extended family that loves the Lord and puts their hope in Him.

I love my family.

Random Wednesday thoughts

I came across this article on someone's Facebook page, and thought it was worth sharing.

Also - I am getting to spend ALL week with this little cutie because I got cancelled at work. You are jealous, I know! I am BLESSED!

Hope you are having a great Wednesday!

Blessed!

This past weekend we had the privilege of getting to spend a lot of time with a lot of our close friends, culminating in hosting home group at our house last night. The kids were all wet from playing in the blowup pool, the house was full of smoke because something in the oven started burning, and it was a million degrees because it's July in Arkansas. As we all sat down together to eat dinner -some of us sprawled in the living room floor, others standing at the bar in my kitchen, and some crammed onto our couch, kids crawling all over everyone and everything, and watermelon and corn on the cob getting ground into the carpet - I almost audibly heard God speak to my heart, "This is what it's about."

Acceptance. Love. Food. Fellowship. Discipleship. Authenticity.

Raising our kids together, wanting all of God's best for our families. Being real with each other - no facades, no masks, just what-you-see-is-what-you-get. We're all messy and slightly neurotic, but we honestly love spending time together and watching our families grow together.

I praise God for bringing us to this place, this church family, these specific people to walk through life with, raise our children together, go against the status quo with. This time last year, we felt so alone and without a home church. God has been so faithful to connect us with so many families. Now we've got Christmas trips to Branson, birthday parties, and mission trips planned with these folks. We are blessed beyond words.

Legacy

I stumbled across this blog post this morning. What an eternal perspective of the mundane daily tasks and frustrations we face. It reminded me of this song. We have such an opportunity to bless our families and leave an eternal legacy, based on the decisions we make every single day.

I want my legacy to be one of love and laughter. I want my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren to remember me as a loving, caring servant, who loved my husband and children with all my heart, and who leaned on the Lord in every situation. I want the Word of God present and tangible in our home. I want those who enter our home or are around our family to experience the peace and grace that the Lord daily gives to us.

the battle that rages

I feel that right now, our little family is under attack. We have been getting more involved at our church lately, and God has been doing some big things in our marriage and each of us individually. The enemy is trying so many different ways to knock us off-track. We've had financial problems, car trouble, job stresses, and each of us have faced a different health problem.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of this world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.

2 Corinthians 10:3-4

When I was growing up, my mother did an excellent job of surrounding us with the Word of God. There were Scriptures posted on walls, mirrors, and over every person's bed. We listened to Scripture memory songs, wrote verses out until they were memorized, and recited verses every night before bed. She was fighting battles for her own family; my brother had a rare and life-threatening genetic respiratory disease until he was healed at the age of 7. I will never forget a Scripture memory cassette tape that literally lived in the stereo in our living room. This particular cassette had a song that was this Scripture set to music, and I can remember the tune to this day.

I will not wage war as the world does - with bitterness, selfishness, or sarcasm. I will pick up the weapons that have divine power to demolish strongholds - every promise in the Word of God - and cultivate the fruit of the spirit in my life and household. I will not believe the lies of the enemy, or allow his attacks to cause confusion, strife, or anger in our home. I will surround my husband, son, and self with the promises that the Lord has given us for these particular circumstances.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:25-26

So, since my post on Sunday, lots of "bad" things have happened in our lives. I commuted to work like I always do with Jackson, worked all day Monday. He had been having a cough and congestion, but nothing major. While I was at work Monday, he seemed to get worse. I had to make a decision about whether or not to take him to the doctor. Tyler and I made the call for me to take him back to Conway and to the doctor. So, I did a four-hour round trip commute yesterday, with a sick baby in tow. We got up this morning, went to the doctor to find out that he just had a nasty cold and was teething. As soon as we got done, we got back on the interstate and headed back to my mom's... another two hours in the car. I got there before lunch, so I headed back to work. On my way to work, I got a call from Tyler telling me that our SUV, which is what I usually drive but switched yesterday for better gas mileage, was acting very weird and he was taking it to the shop. Turns out our alternator went out, and it cost us $500 to fix it. Throw that in with the crazy amounts of time in the car, little sleep, and sick child... this mama is exhausted.

As soon as I got done with work, I went for a mani-pedi.

And then I made a conscious decision to stand firm on God's promises through these circumstances. Circumstance does not determine my joy. Joy comes from the Lord, and my walk with Him alone. I am tired, emotional, and cranky. He is faithful, loving, and cares about EVERY one of the things that is going on in my life.

I don't have to fear bad news.
Good will come.

Psalm 112

This morning at church, our pastor set aside his sermon notes and spoke very briefly, but from the heart. His message was based in Psalm 112.

"Praise the Lord.

Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who finds great delight in His commands. His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house; his righteousness endures forever. Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. Good will come to him to is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end, he will look in triumph on his foes. He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn will be lifted high in honor. The wicked man will see and be vexed, he will gnash his teeth and waste away; the longings of the wicked will come to nothing."

I love this Psalm. My favorite verse is verse 7 - "he will have no fear of bad news..."
What a thought in which to wrap myself! I don't have to fear bad news. While it may come (and most certainly will in our broken world), when it does I have a security and safety in my Lord.

The past week or two, my prayers have been filled with lots of questions directed at God. When, Lord? Why, Lord? I have been caught up in the whens, and hows, and whys of my future, instead of going with God's flow in my life and rejoicing along the way. I am walking with God. I have trusted Him with my life; I try to take my decisions to Him; I am striving with all I have to be a righteous woman. Why, then, do I worry and fret when the Lord makes it clear here (and in many other passages) that the righteous are BLESSED?

Lord, thank you for your blessings in my life. Thank you that you promised wealth, riches, goodness, security, light for those who trust You! Help me to continue trusting You, instead of attempting to work out all the details of my life myself. Remind me to walk in peace and joy instead of worry and anxiety.

Love

Okay, so maybe I'm a little sappy and romantic. Maybe I over-romanticize every day life. But I just want to say how much I love my husband.

I love him for taking out the trash at 10:30 pm because it's trash day tomorrow and we forgot trash day last week, and the week before.

I love him for teasing me out of my bad moods instead of clamming up and getting mad at me.

I love him for working so hard at work, even when it's sometimes a crappy situation.

I love him for coming home from work and setting everything aside to play with our Babylove before he goes to bed.

I love him for helping me do the dishes after dinner while we're still talking about our days.

I love him for the way he sings Frank Sinatra songs to me at random moments.

I love him for the way he looks so handsome in dress clothes (sorry, that may be a little shallow.)

I love him for the way he falls asleep in the recliner most nights while I'm getting ready for bed, and I have to wake him up and make him go to bed.

In the three-plus years we've been married, my husband has taught me that love isn't about grand gestures or huge bouquets of roses. It's about the day-in, day-out sacrifices you make for the person you love. Love is truly a choice - a choice to react to the other's moodiness with love and laughter, a choice to serve the other by doing the mundane together, a choice to spend time together and make each other a priority.

TylerMac, Thank you for being such a wonderful husband and daddy. I love you more each day.

It's been a while!

Hey friends! Remember me? I used to blog...

It's been a crazy couple of months in our little world. I was spending too much time on my (and others') blog, so I took a little break. Glad to be back, though! I have been thinking today - and it's always interesting what comes out when I start doing that!

It's been a gross, rainy day here and my Babylove and I have just spent the day playing, eating, and napping. It's been marvelous! It's also made me all too aware of how quickly he is growing up, and what a privilege it is to be able to stay at home with him most of the time, and simply play peek-a-boo in his tent, or giggle with him at Sesame Street, or act silly while we eat our lunch. It's truly a gift from God to be there to experience those things with him. I know that some mommas don't have a choice but to go the day-care (or even babysitter) route, but I am so humbled and grateful that God allowed me to be at home 5 days/week with my sweet one. Lord, help me to take advantage of every moment spent with him to teach him and love him the way you would have me to.

Following that train of thought, another thing that has been on my mind lately is homeschooling. If you didn't already know, I was homeschooled from 6-12th grade, and I definitely plan on homeschooling my kids. Here's a link to a interesting and thought-provoking blog post that I read this morning during nap time. I thought she had some very valid points. The biggest thing for me about homeschooling, other than the obvious family unity, is that I believe that children learn best when they play. As an OT, I've learned the ins and outs of "play" as an occupation for children. When children have developmental disabilities, therapy focuses on play to promote the child's full potential for independence. To me, this makes it clear that my kids can learn just as much - and probably much more - by exploring the creek looking for "wildlife", the chemistry of cooking, and working together on projects, than by sitting in a classroom with relative strangers for 8 hours/day. We weren't programmed to sit still for so long, especially at such a young age. I don't know about you, but I had difficulty with that even through college. We were made to explore, play, and enjoy the world around us while learning. I also believe that by playing to learn, we foster a lifelong love of learning that doesn't end with high school or college. If it's enjoyable, we will all pay closer attention and take greater part. I know my Babylove is only 15 months old, but it's never too early to start teaching them simple concepts, and I love to gather homeschool ideas in preparation for the (overwhelming) future that lies ahead of our family.

I think it's good to have a vision of the desires that God has placed in your heart for your family, and think about the possible implications of that in your life.

Our family's vision and plans have been somewhat murky lately, with some unexpected twists and turns in our "plan". I say that in quotes because, obviously, it was our plan, and God had a different plan.

God is not the author of confusion, but of peace...

1 Corinthians 14:33

I have had to turn to him and give up my confusion for peace on numerous occasions lately. Things that I thought I knew for certain were from God were suddenly hazy and, well... confusing. But you know what? They aren't hazy and confusing to God. He has them mapped out. He knows where my path leads and every pothole along the way. He knows how many steps it will take me to get to the end. And as tough as it may be some days, I must simply trust Him to guide me down that path He has created for me & my family.

Now I have to go and cook some dinner for my hungry Hubs and Babylove - I know for certain that is the next immediate step on my journey!

Weekend Warrior Projects

We have seriously enjoyed our weekend at home without our Babylove, but I was so glad to get some sugars when he got home this afternoon!

I wanted to show you some of the projects that we accomplished this weekend! We had a huge list of things to do in the yard, but it was rainy and cold (about 40* all weekend...) and so we moved onto some inside projects that had been waiting on some free time to get accomplished.

I created this little sitting area to the left of my mantel in the living room. Prior to this, there was a single, lonely red chair here. All these items were in other places in my house, and I just shopped around and pulled them all together into this sweet little alcove setting. It needs a little picture or mirror or something - I'll be looking out for something, no worries.

Our guest bedroom has been needing some TLC for.... 2 years, since we moved into this house. It's been a storage room, office, and catch-all room. A couple months ago I cleaned out most of the junk, turned the bed around, and moved some nightstands that were in the garage back into this room. We took the lamps that used to be in our bedroom (see below) and put them in the guest room. We still have a little more decorating to do in here (I have some cutesy things to hang on the walls and sit on the nightstands), but it's definitely a lot better than it was.
We have been needing some new bedroom lamps for some time now. The ones I had didn't even really match my bedroom's colors or anything in my bedroom, for that matter. I scored these beauties at TJ Maxx, and one of them was a little cracked so we got another discount on it. Next on the list is a smaller alarm clock for my side of the bed, and that nightstand table will soon be antique white:
I have been wanting a rod in my laundry room to put hangers on for a while. Tyler and I had thought about it for a long time and had an elaborate plan involving some wholesale pipe, wood stain, and wood cornices. While walking through TJ Maxx on Friday night, we saw some towel rods (like you'd put in a bathroom) and thought - genius! I won't be hanging clothes on them, just empty hangers, so the weight factor isn't an issue. Here's the finished product:

Please ignore the cords on my dryer and my hubby's scrub cap on the key rack. My house is a work in progress.

Anyway, it was a blast getting to hang out with Hubs and work on some of these things together. I love that guy.

:)

Now back to the grind - 2 day work week, and hopefully a little more relaxing at the end of the week. Also on the agenda - continuing to run if the weather gets better.

I'm still alive!

Hey folks... I have been totally out of the loop lately taking care of my two boys - both of whom have been very very sick this week. Hubs has had the flu, and Babylove has had an ear infection and pinkeye! Boo for sickness.

Anyway, we've been stuck inside even though it's been a beautiful week, and I have had my hands full simply running my household and taking care of my loves. Thankfully, Babylove is heading to spend some quality time with his grandparents and uncles (my in-laws) this weekend, and Hubs and I have the weekend... ALONE.

I can't even imagine what this will feel like. On one hand, I think I am going to have withdrawals because I have been with Babylove so much lately. On the other hand, I have only been alone with my husband a handful of times, and only over night once, since having Babylove, and the last time was back in December. Unfortunately, we have a large to-do list including yardwork (depending on the weather as we are supposed to get rain) and lots of indoor projects we've been putting off. But I am sure we'll also sleep late, catch a movie, and eat out at least once!

Yesterday was the first time Babylove and I have gotten out since he has been sick, and we took full advantage of it by meeting up with a friend for lunch & shopping, and going over to my grandparents' house for a visit with some family that is in town. Here are some photos I took yesterday at my grandparents'.

I love this photo and am very proud of myself for capturing it... being honest here.
SWEETNESS! :)
Oh - the prayer clasp. How adorable is my child?!
This photo is very classic Babylove to me. This is what he looks like on a day-to-day basis.
I do NOT like how grown up he is looking. He is my BABY... not a big boy. Yet.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekends! :)

Because I've been cooped up in the house with sicklies for far too long...

Because I'm at home with my loves tending to their sickness instead of at work today (which is a good thing!)...

Because it was such a gorgeous day and we just had to get outside - even if just for a minute...

Because I love playing with the self-timer on my camera...

Because I really needed a newer picture of me with my babylove...

And because Babylove's eyes are looking so much better today....

stand firm

Some days it's so hard to be the peace keeper and sweet, calm presence in our home, like I believe the Lord has called me to be.

Today has been one of those days. Babylove has been sick for several days now, with diarrhea and just not feeling well. Yesterday, we were supposed to leave for a weekend in Branson, but decided not to since he was still not himself. About 5 pm yesterday afternoon, he started having green gloop in his eyes, and woke up this morning with both eyes matted shut. He has also been running fever for about 36 hours now. All that said, we took him to the walk-in clinic this morning, and after waiting for 2.5 hours found out that he not only has double pinkeye, but has an ear infection as well as most likely still a touch of the stomach bug. Whew! He has been quite the trooper but, as most sick one year olds are, very demanding and screaming more often than not screaming. Add that to a mommy who is still on antibiotics for an upper respiratory infection myself as well as in the middle of my monthly 10 days of hormones that can bring on fatigue all by themselves, and a Hubs who is running fever and probably has an upper respiratory infection himself, and well... you have one very tired, very exasperated momma.

How do we stand firm as ladies of grace in these situations? How do I speak love and kindness to my husband when I am so exhausted and emotional and cranky? How do I temper my words and touch with love to my sweet one who is sick and overly tired and needs to take a nap? How do I let the Spirit lead all my words and actions when I am just simply completely exhausted and miserable myself?

Maybe this comes naturally to some people, but it's definitely not an easy task for me.

Well, I want to share something I'm reading in a book called Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide To Finding Contentment by Linda Dillow.

The Proverbs 31 woman was not controlled by her circumstances and the demands of her family, her household, or her home business. She was the ruler of her attitudes, her time, and her schedule. Her relationship with God was central. All that she became was a result of her yielding to His sovereign control. She allowed Him to place His brushstrokes on the canvas of her life. But she also chose to rule her appearance, her mouth, and her activities.

This reminded me tonight that it is a choice to be graceful and kind in all my actions and words. It is a choice to be the peacekeeper and sweet presence in the home that God has called me to be. Together with the Lord's help, I can rule over my attitude and emotions.

Just some food for thought tonight. I'm off to choose and cultivate kindness, gentleness, patience, and self-control. As well as hopefully, some sleep.

the power of words

Our words are powerful. Our words mean something.

Genesis says that God used words to speak the universe into creation. John 1:1 says, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word WAS God." Proverbs says that the tongue has the power of life and death.

I think that in today's society, words can be taken a little too lightly. If you're like me (and probably most of us!), you wake up in the morning checking your e-mail, you spend your day bombarded with the words of books, the radio or television, and you go to bed at night checking your Facebook. Our technology has made it so easy to be constantly immersed in a world of words.

What are those words speaking to your heart? Which words are you allowing to take root and grow inside you? Who is doing the speaking?

Are you filtering the things you allow to reach your mind and heart? I know it's hard sometimes to stop and think, how will this affect me in the long run? But we must be conscious of what's going in to change what is coming out.

What words are you speaking? Are they words of life or death? Are you uplifting and encouraging, or depressing and pessimistic? What about the manner in which you are speaking - is it lifegiving?

I want to be a light to those around me. Things may not always go my way. I have bad days just like everyone else. I struggle with the same things that every one else struggles with. Even so, I am incredibly blessed. I want my words to reflect the hope and blessings that God has poured out in my life.

These are the questions I am going to be asking myself this week as I encounter all those around me - in the workplace, at church, with my husband, in online interactions, on our mini-vacation this weekend.

cleaning spree

Hey blog world, I've been a little MIA this weekend/week. Saturday, we spent a lazy, lazy day at home and literally did not change out of pajamas until 3 p.m. All I can say is - wonderful! Sunday, we had a full day with church, and Mon/Tues are my crazy work days as you know.

Since I got home tonight, I have been on a cleaning spree. Can I just say that there is nothing I love more than putting Babylove to bed, putting on some amazing tunes, and putting on my rubber gloves to do some deep cleaning (especially if Hubs is helping me)? There's just something so.... rewarding.. about taking something so very dirty as my floors and making it sparkly clean. I could even go so far as to say that it is a form of relaxation for me. I can sleep so much better knowing that my house is clean, shiny, and smelling good. Love it!

If you haven't tried this stuff, you really owe it to your floors (& your nose!) to run to Wal-Mart and buy some of Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day all-purpose cleaner in the lemon verbena scent. It makes me want to cry it smells so good.

I don't really know what else I have to share with you, loves. I hope everyone is having a lovely week!

Roast Beef Burritos

Okay, so I am passionate about cooking *and eating*. I try to make things fairly healthy most of the time and I promise we don't eat this type of stuff every night, or every week. It's kind of a special been-a-stressful-week type of thing. But if you do make this.... honey, you're gonna love it! This recipe is a standard in my family. I tried to take a couple of pictures, but they're not that great! Also, I generally regard recipes as a "guide" and throw my own twist on most things I make. So, if you need more specific measurements, let me know.

Pot Roast Burritos

• Leftover pot roast (however much you have leftover! I think I usually have about 1 cup chopped. These also taste amazing with an entire pot roast and no ground beef, but I like to get more out of my money by making pot roast the day before, and turning it into burritos the next.)
• 1 lb ground beef (I usually use deer because we always have that, but beef works just as well)
• 1 can green chiles
• 1-2 cloves garlic
• 1/2 cup or more to taste salsa verde (located by the taco shells at the grocery store)
• If you really want to blow your taste buds, chop up some potatoes and throw in there. Just trust me. I didn't have any tonight, but it does kick it up a notch!

Brown the ground beef in a large skillet. Once brown, add chopped leftover pot roast, green chiles, garlic, salsa verde, and potatoes if using. Let simmer for 20 minutes or so, adding salsa verde if the mixture looks dry. (If you're adding potatoes, you might want to add a little water to hasten softening, and you'll have to increase the simmer time.)

Meanwhile, you should mix up a little of this:

Mexican-style Rice

• 1 box Beef flavored Rice-A-Roni
• 1 can Ro-tel (I used mild because I was going to feed it to Babylove, but you can use any variety)
• 1 can corn or 1 cup frozen corn

Make Rice-A-Roni according to box directions, and add Ro-tel and corn when you add water & seasoning mix. You'll either have to drain the Ro-tel or cut back about 1/2 cup of the water or you'll end up with soupy rice.

Those burritos can stand alone with just a little cheese and more salsa verde before rolling them up in a soft flour tortilla. I'm a little purist, but that's the way I like them. But they are great with sour cream, lettuce, tomato, and chopped jalepenos as well!

*And if you just really really love the folks you're cooking for.... try frying your own taco shells! Heat some oil in a deep skillet, take a corn tortilla and lay it flat in the bottom of the hot oil, and before it gets hard and crunchy, use a spatula to fold in half. You can do it, and you'll never buy taco shells again!*

So here was my finished dinner tonight. Throw a little cheese on top of the rice, cause cheese makes everyone happy *unless you're lactose intolerant... in which case, don't. Try soy cheese.* Oh, and please don't serve this with anything other than sweet tea. ;)

Happy Weekend, folks.

FBFF!

It's already Friday again! This has been the weirdest week for us. I didn't work Mon & Tues because Babylove was so sick, but the week has flown by anyway because of multiple doctor appointments and just general errands to run. So my plan today is not to leave the house, get caught up on laundry and chores, and have a nice dinner waiting on Hubby when he gets home.

So far all I've done is make a cup of tea and sit here browsing FBFF posts.

FBFF- Beauty Products

Can I preface these questions by saying that in the world of beauty products, I feel I am pretty low-maintenance. I don't wear full makeup every day, and I don't have thirty five things in my shower. That being said....

1. What's your favorite drug store makeup product, and your favorite higher-end product?

Well, hands down, my favorite drug store product is Maybelline Lash Stiletto mascara. I tried to find a mascara that I liked for years, and finally found this one that looks great on, stays put, but comes off easily with water since I can't use eye makeup remover because I'm prone to eye infections.

Higher end - what's that?! Just kidding.... but seriously, as high-end as I go for beauty products is Clinique. I love Clinique's Continuous Coverage makeup. It covers every little blemish or color imbalance, and stays on all day. I've been wearing it for about 2 years now, and I love it!

2. Is there one type of product that is your go-to, can't live without?

Okay, I'm going to admit it. I'm a lip gloss junkie. I do not leave my house without making sure my lip gloss pouch is in my purse. I love shiny lip gloss from Bath & Body Works, Maybelline, Clinique, whatever I can get my hands on. I have 7-10 in my pouch at any given time. I'm just being real.

3. What's the best hair product you've ever used?

I am about to give away my secret here - not only am I a lip gloss junkie, I am a hair product snob. About 6 months ago, my hairdresser talked me into getting some Scruples White Tea Sulphate Free Shampoo & Conditioner.

Do yourself a favor, and get some. It has literally changed my life. The Restorative conditioner is so thick and really makes your hair so soft, without weighing it down.

The other product my angelic hairdresser turned me on to is Biolage Gelee.

This stuff works wonders for my curly hair. It's a gel with just enough hold, but never makes my hair crunchy. It also really coats every hair instead of being patchy. The bottle lasts so much longer than drug store products, because you don't have to use much of it to achieve your desired style. I'm serious. I swore by drug store products before finding this product, because I had never found a salon product that made my hair look "right."

My last hair product that I cannot live without is Aussie Mega Spray.

I use this on my hair after the gelee, while still wet, then scrunch with a towel and let air dry. It's been my go-to hair product since I was an adolescent. I don't leave home without this, either.

Ok, so now you know. I'm a little obsessed with hair products.

4. Fess up, what's the worst beauty look you've tried to rock and look back at now with a little shame or apprehension that you actually did that?

I guess I would say, super-short hair. For most of my high school years, my hair was very long. I cut it off very short before going to college, and I really regret that in a lot of ways. It's taking me forever to grow it back out to the length it was in high school.

5. When it comes to beauty products, we all use the same basic products. What do you use that helps show off your personal flair and personality?

I'll just refer back to my hair products on this one, because I feel like my curly hair is kind of my signature "look".

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Thanks for playing FBFF with me! FBFF was started by Modly Chic.

Fashion challenge!

Just wanted to share my new favorite piece of jewelry. I've been loving the gold for the past few months now. My wedding band is white gold, and maybe I'm a stick in the mud, but mixing white and yellow gold was really pushing my fashion boundaries. The diamonds in this ring were in my grandmother's wedding band when she was married to my grandpa the first time (yes, the first time... they got remarried to each other about four years ago!) and she had it made years ago into this ring, and gave it to my mom. Somewhere along the way, it ended up back with my grandma, who let me have it. As the only granddaughter, I get fun perks like that. Anyway, I am loving it. Fashion challenge: mix yellow and white golds.

And note to self: moisturize please!!

Thanks!

Thank you all for praying - Babylove's white blood count had dropped yesterday afternoon, and no further testing was needed! Such an answer to prayer! He still isn't back to 100%, but he is well on his way.

Thank you again!!!!

Please pray!

I don't usually use my blog like this - but my babylove is very sick, and I am asking everyone I know to please pray for my sweet boy! We saw the doctor yesterday, and there wasn't anything obviously wrong with him, as chest x ray, throat, ears were all clear. However, his white blood cell count was extremely high. We are heading back to the doctor in a few minutes. Please pray that his white blood cell counts have dropped. If they haven't dropped significantly, we are looking at a spinal tap to rule out meningitis. He had a blood culture drawn yesterday - please pray that this is growing something specific so they can treat it. Please pray that the doctors will have wisdom to know what is going on inside his little body. Please pray that each cell in his little body will work as designed by our Creator to fight this infection. Please pray that I will have strength as they poke and prod my little lovey.

Thank you all for supporting my family in prayer this morning. I appreciate it more than you can know.

FBFF Bonus Round!

Just a heads up -

I wanted to give you a little bonus FBFF action today - there's a great giveaway going on over at Fashion Momma! She's giving away gift cards, jewelry, and tights... so get yourself over there and comment to win! :) Enjoy your weekend, lovelies!

Fashion Beauty Friend Friday (FBFF)

Today's FBFF is actually doing some nominating for some blog awards. Since I haven't been into this fashion blog stuff very long, I'm going to share a link to a new blog I've found instead.

Fab Finds Under $50 is a blog I have recently discovered. What I love about this blog is that Kimberly creates "outfit inspiration calendars" for each month. The link above will take you to the calendar page. Each day of the month, she has a picture of an outfit that her readers submit and she draws inspiration from the picture while getting dressed. It's like a color-by-number for your own closet. Genius! How many times have I stood in my closet, thinking, I have a lot of clothes but don't know how to mix & match them all together"? I'll tell ya: a lot of times. These pictures just give you a way to start thinking of creative ways to wear what you already have in your closet - as well as wardrobe staples you might purchase in the future. What a fun way to play with your clothes and gain confidence in your fashion capabilities!

She also shares where she purchased every piece of her wardrobe and usually, she's gotten some STEALS! I guess I need to increase the time I spend shopping to be able to find those kind of deals.

I hope everyone is having a fun Friday! My babylove has been sort of sickly for the past few days, and I think he's cutting his molars, which = no fun for anyone at my house.

laying it down

Why is it so hard for us to give the Lord control? Why can't we simply trust His sovereign plan?

There's a certain issue that I have really been struggling to hand over to the Lord. About 3 weeks ago, I felt strongly the Lord saying, "Stop trying to take control of this issue. You trust Me in all other areas of your life; trust Me in this." Well, I was so excited that I felt I had heard from the Lord regarding this issue, and went on my merry way for a couple weeks. Ho hum ho hum.

An opportunity presented itself for me and my husband to serve in an out-of-the-comfort-zone capacity, and I started getting excited about it. I started making plans and just automatically assumed that the Lord's plan was for us to BOTH do this mission trip. I started trying to conform God's will to my purposes and plans again, and was running up against some brick walls. On the way to work this week, I spent a little time with the Lord and heard Him whispering softly to me, "Loved one, we just learned this lesson a few weeks ago. Have you already forgotten?" I had picked up my burden again, and had started trying to shove it into my little bitty box labeled, "Kami's view of God."

Our God is a big God. He is omnipotent, sovereign, and loving. And He wants what is best for His children. He knows the choices we will make before we make them, but gives us the free will to choose.

I, once again, choose to lay the control at His feet.

Friend Friday: Loving My Body

I'm linking up with Kimberly over at Fashion Momma for Fashion Beauty Friend Friday. Today's topic is loving your body and this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Kimberly always has interesting posts and I love seeing how she puts outfits together - sometimes thinking, girl, that would look awful on my body type, but you're rockin' it! (but that's not how it should be... I should have a little more self-confidence in what what look "good" on my body type-

always enjoying checking them out.

Until a few weeks ago, I didn't really read other blogs unless I knew the person in real life. Lately, I've been branching out and finding all kinds of new, sweet friends who have all sorts of interests and talents. Fashion blogs were something I thought I probably wasn't interested in as a mommy of a one year old, and all that means for my body, wardrobe, and budget. I was wrong.

This is a topic you'll probably be seeing a little more of on my blog. But first, let me get to the questions.

1. Since you started blogging,

has your image of yourself changed?

I'd have to say yes and no. No, because I have known who I am in my heart and have felt loved and secure in my marriage, family, and with friends for a long time. And yes, because I have changed my ideas about what I want to wear, what image I want to portray, and what I want my overall demeanor to be. By reading other blogs, especially those on fashion, I have realized that folks of all body shapes and sizes are out there looking fabulous and loving themselves (and...*cough* not spending a fortune). I have also realized that a lot of "fashion" is simply self-confidence, and if you love what you're wearing and feel confident in it, others will think that you look "fashionable." I simply want to present a generally stylish, put together appearance that reflects the fact that I thought about and took time with what I was wearing.

2. Are you self-conscious about any aspect of yourself?

If so, do you go out of your way to avoid it, or do you post/talk about it anyway?

I am just now getting into this fashion/beauty blogging world, and I must admit that I am self conscious about lots of parts of myself. Since I haven't been really blogging about my fashion choices, I guess this is a hard one to answer. Let me just say, that yes, I downplay some "problem areas" while I am getting dressed or buying clothes. I am an open book and as you probably know already, I'll share most details of my life if you want to know.

3. Based on how you're feeling now,

what do you think the future holds in the evolution

of your body image?

Well, I love my body. Even though it's not perfect, even though my belly will never be flat again thanks to my babylove, and even though my thighs are jiggly with cellulite. My body is exactly the way that God created it to be, and He loves me just the way I am. My husband, also, loves me just the way I am. After those two, I don't really care what anyone else thinks about my body. Now, fashion is another thing altogether. I have been timid in the past in the world of fashion. I am a Southern belle through and through, and feel that sometimes classic is more classy. My wardrobe currently consists of mostly greys, blacks, and browns with just a handful of colors thrown in. But I am hoping to expand my fashion comfort zone. You only get one life. You should wear things you love (and I believe, surround yourself with things you love in your home, but that's another topic altogether.)

4. Do you photograph yourself for your blog?

If so, how do you feel about the experience when

you're having your picture taken?

If you choose not to post pictures of yourself,

what prompted that decision?

I haven't really put a lot of photos as far as fashion goes onto this blog. There's always a few of me just because I love to post pictures of my family. I'll probably start doing more of that coming up, too, because I'd like to chronicle how my style changes.

5. What would you want everyone who struggles

with body image to take to heart?

Girl, we're all different! God created us to each be unique, down to the fat cells in our thighs and how they metabolize energy. Seriously. During my gross anatomy class in OT school, I realized that each person's muscles, fat distribution, tendons, ligaments, bones, everything - they're all in slightly different places on each person. You can't change the DNA that makes up your body. You can choose to dress to flatter your figure and improve your self-confidence, but don't stress about your body. Now, that brings up my second point here.

Don't dress to impress other people. I hope you realize that this is not what I am talking about. I am simply talking about feeling confident in yourself. I have found that when I take the extra time to fix my hair, iron my clothes, and put makeup on (even if I am only wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes), my self-confidence goes through the roof and I am much more productive. On the flip side, when I don't shower, stay in my pj's all day, and lounge around, I can't ever seem to put my tail in gear and get chores accomplished at the house. So that is something to think about, mommies. I know it's hard some days to want to get out of your jammies. Since I have been a (mostly) stay-at-home mommy I have challenged myself to get dressed, put my contacts in, put makeup on, and feel good about the way I look most days. That outfit may or may not have applesauce and cereal bar smeared on it by 10 a.m., but at least I feel that I have made an effort in my self-image. I want to quote someone here. The girl who wrote this is an 8th grader, homeschooled, and obviously has maturity beyond her years. A few days ago, over on Pioneer Woman's homeschooling blog, she wrote,

Let’s face it, unlike Barbie I won’t ever have a toned stomach and permanently shaven legs. I’ll have to shave my whole life. But who wants to walk on their tip-toes all day anyway?

Well, folks, that's all I have for today. Just some food for thought as we head into our weekend. I am looking forward to a lovely shower for my sweet friend Shanna tomorrow and then church & home group on Sunday. Last week I worked in the nursery with my sweet babylove and his friends, and the past two weeks before that we were not able to go to church, so it's coming up on 4 weeks since I have attended church. Heathen, I am. In all seriousness, I am ready to participate in worship and hear the Word. Enjoy your weekend everyone! :)

Fun Things Friday!

It's STILL snowy here. I haven't left the house since Tuesday. Babylove and I are almost going stir crazy! So, in honor of the cabin fever that seems to be overtaking most people I know, I thought I'd post a couple of fun things this morning.

First, there's a Lisa Leonard giveaway going on over at The Pilot's Wife. She is super sweet and her posts are always encouraging. You should check it out, because Lisa Leonard is a fabulous artist and I love all her jewelry! There's a $50 gift certificate up for grabs!

Second, here's a pic of something that Babylove got for his birthday:

Okay. This thing looks weird and we call it the "hot dog" because of its resemblance to the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. But has become his favorite thing to play with! He usually doesn't ride it, but walks behind pushing it. The casters make it turn very easily and he can zoom all over the house with it! Just a suggestion for a very fun toy for the 1-2 year old crowd.

...and, third. Just a photo from happier, snow-free times.

That, my friends, is Key West, Fl. And I would looooove to be sitting there, soaking up the sun with a drink with an umbrella in my hand.

Update

So a couple days ago, I posted regarding my battle with hormones. God is so very faithful to give me just what I need, when I need it. On Monday night, I went to dinner with a couple of lovely ladies in my family - my third cousin who is my age (and growing up, we looked a lot alike) and her aunt, who was visiting from Texas. In the conversation, something came up and we got to talking, and my cousin is experiencing the exact same issues with her hormones as I have been. What a way for God to let me know I am not alone! She has been through many of the same medications and attempts to control this situation, and is just as frustrated as I am. Interesting, right?

Last night as I was reading our chronological one-year-Bible out loud to Hubs (our nightly routine), I came across this verse in Exodus 14:14 -

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

I feel like that was just what I needed to hear regarding this situation. It stood out to me as though it was written on a neon flashing sign. So, friends, that is what I am going to do. I am no longer stressing out about it. I am no longer seeking an answer. I am going to be still and let the Lord fight this battle for me. How precious it is to know He cares for us in such minute detail.

Snowmaggedon! Remix

Well, praise the Lord for neighbors who love us. J&C, who live 2 doors down, drove 30 minutes in this mess to pick up my husband from work and bring him home. I can't tell you how excited I was! I made a big pot of chili, an apple pie, and then we made snow ice cream to top it off. What a fun end to our crazy snow day! :)

Not the best mommy fashion - but it's Snowmaggedon for crying out loud.
Me & my baby boy!
He loved laughing at Daisy, who was bouncing all over the place.
My heart!
Love love LOVE these boys! :)
Measuring the snow - we ended up with a little over 7 inches.

Snowmaggedon!

Well, folks, I don't know what it's doing in your part of the country, but here in Arkansas, theentire state is shut down for what the news stations have dubbed Snowmaggedon, Snowpocalypse, or Snowplosion - depending on which station you are watching.

It certainly is snowing, don't get me wrong. And it's now deep enough that I can't distinguish driveway from grass or road. I haven't seen a single car go down my road since it started at 8 a.m. But isn't Snowmaggedon a little dramatic?

My husband is considered "essential personnel" at his job, and must be there, so he packed a bag this morning and headed off into the white unknown. I'm thinking he'll probably be there until tomorrow, sleeping in his office. Poor guy. I miss him, but at least I know he is safe and warm, with a generator at the hospital should something snowpocalyptic happen.

I am sure that the school age kids and the parents who got to stay home with them are greatly enjoying this. My Facebook is full of pictures of kids making sleds out of random items, and it certainly makes for beautiful and hilarious photos. But I don't know, to me, the snow seems so... not exciting. It's gorgeous. It's quiet, and peaceful, and soothes my soul. But I don't get excited about it like I did when I was a kid. There's nothing in me that wants to run outside and play in it. Maybe once my babylove is a little older, it will be fun to take him outside and play. And we just might have to bundle up this afternoon and go out anyway, just to see what he thinks about it.

So, from the middle of the snowplosion, I'll let you enjoy the rest of your day. I'll put more pics up soon, and I'm working on blogging about Jacks' birthday!