The waiting game

I'm in this in-between time. There's a lot of stuff in the air in my life. I think I know what I want, what my plans are - and then God does something totally different. Waiting is hard to do. I don't have much patience. Wait for the money to pay that bill off. Wait for the baby to go to sleep to clean the house. Wait for Tyler to get home from work to go running or to the grocery store. Wait for the weekend to do major chores around the house. Wait for two weeks to see how my body reacts to the newest hormone I'm taking. Wait to see how me working two consecutive days now works out. I don't like to wait. I wish God would just show up, show me His ultimate plan, and say, "have a nice life." But that doesn't happen. God desires intimate, every day relationship with me. He loves me and has a plan for me, but chooses to reveal it to me one step at a time. I think that if I had any idea what is ahead for me, I would probably run screaming and never fulfill all that God has laid before me to accomplish. So God had this idea about relationships - how as I seek His face and get to know Him, He will reveal His will for me. I want to revel in the waiting game. I want to trust totally, wholly in my God, that He is bigger than all I can see or imagine and that He is orchestrating my life to fulfill His plans for me. I want to be content where I am, not wishing the days away, not waiting impatiently, but soaking up my life and resting, relaxing, reveling in the waiting game.m

This morning while reading through Matthew in the new journaling Bible (that I highly recommend! It's awesome!) that Tyler got me for Christmas, I came across a passage that I have read literally hundreds of times, but that stood out to me this time:

Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. 

Matthew 6:31-34 (ESV)

What a verse for the year of no fear! Our heavenly Father knows our needs. He will, and has, and does provide. 

Several weeks back, before Christmas, Tyler had a major job interview. It lasted for 6 hours. It was for a job that he really, honestly thought was exactly what he wanted to do, what he has gone to school to do. The interview went well, he was so excited about the possibilities. The same day that he got an offer from that position, out of the clear blue he received a phone call with a job offer to be a clinical informaticist for the health care system where he currently works (basically, he got offered his current boss' job). It is so incredible to see how God directs our steps in our careers! He had this job offer for a nurse management position, and also the job offer for clinical informaticist. It was like God was saying, this one is good, but this one is better for you. Tyler took the clinical informaticist job for a lot less stress, a lot higher up the 'food chain', and a decent pay increase. No on call, no 'stuck-in-surgery' calls, no worrying about patient care or staff schedules. And I have never seen my husband so excited about anything in our marriage! He is so much more relaxed and stress-free than when he had a nurse management position in the past. God is so faithful to lead us ever closer to our dreams of me being able to stay home full-time and Tyler being in an administrative position. Our heavenly Father KNOWS our needs. Better than we do. We would have jumped up and down over the nurse management position - but God knew we needed something a little different in our lives. And He provided! 

He is so good to us. We don't deserve it. We didn't do anything to earn it. We continuously mess up and try to take our own path and do things that do not bring honor to Him. But He loves us still. And because He loves us, He pours out blessings on our lives, and we are humbled. 

the year of no fear

Today is the first day since the new year that I have been able to sit in front of the computer. I've been thinking about what I wanted to share with you here and have finally put some words to my thoughts.

I have been trying to focus on what I wanted the upcoming year to look like. When I am 80 and look back at my life, for what do I want 2012 to stand out?

I was browsing Ann Voskamp's blog yesterday and came across her new year's post. She wrote of how she likes to give each year a name, a theme. She considered "The year of no fear" for 2012 but chose something different (read her blog, you'll be encouraged and challenged!). But I kind of like that, "the year of no fear." I feel like that is what God is speaking over me this January.

No fear of health problems.
No fear of financial concerns.
No fear of family relationships.
No fear of failure.

When Tyler and I started dating, both of us had been burned in the past and wanted to pursue our relationship only if it was the right one. A scripture that God laid on my heart during that time was 1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear. 

That is the verse I want to wrap myself in this year. Perfect love. God's unfailing, unchanging perfect love. Feelings of inadequacy, regret, and failure must flee in the light of God's perfect love. Fear of the future must flee. 

What would you do if there was no fear? If money was not an issue? If you pursued your biggest passion? If failure was not an option? 

Why don't we do those things this year? I want to love more deeply everyone that God has placed in my life, and express that love to them. I want to spend more time building forts and playing trains than cleaning bathrooms. I want to bury myself in God's word and let it take root in my soul. I want to be the wife my husband needs me to be - the one he doesn't even know he needs me to be. I want to make some incredible lifelong memories with my little family. 

What do you want to do?